Thursday, December 03, 2009
enuff said!
Jane was a first time contestant on the $65,000 quiz show.
Lady Luck had smiled in her favor, as Jane had a gained a substantial lead over her opponents. She even managed to win the game but, unfortunately, time had run out before the show’s host could ask her the big question. Jane agreed to return the following day.
Jane was nervous as her husband drove them home. “I’ve just gotta win tomorrow. I wish I knew what the answer might be! You know I’m not going to sleep at all tonight. I will probably look like garbage tomorrow.”
“Relax honey,” her husband, Roger, reassured her, “It will all be OK.”
Ten minutes after they arrived home, Roger grabbed the car keys and started heading out the door. “Where are you going?” Jane asked.
“I have a little errand to run. I should be back soon.” After an agonizing three hour absence, Roger returned, sporting a very wide and wicked grin. “Honey, I managed to get tomorrow’s question and answer!”
“What is it?” she cried excitedly.
“OK. The question is: What are the three main parts of the male anatomy? And the answer is: The head, the heart, and the penis.” The couple went to sleep with Jane, now feeling at ease, plummeting into a deep slumber.
At 3:30 a.m., however, Jane was shaken awake by Roger, who was asking her the quiz show question. “The head, the heart, and the penis,” Jane replied groggily before returning to sleep. And Roger asked her again in the morning, this time as Jane was brushing her teeth. Once again, Jane replied correctly.
So it was that Jane was once again on the set of the quiz show. Even though she knew the question and answer, she could feel butterflies in her stomach. The cameras began running and the host, after reminding the audience of the previous days’ events, faced Jane and asked the big question: “Jane, for $65,000, what are the main parts of the male anatomy? You have 10 seconds.”
“Hmm, uhm, the head?” she said nervously.
“Very good. Six seconds.”
“Eh, uh, the heart?”
“Very good! Four seconds.”
“I, uhh, ooooooohh, darn! My husband drilled it into me last night and I had it on the tip of my tongue this morning…”
“That’s close enough!” said the game show host, “CONGRATULATIONS–YOU WIN!!”
Lady Luck had smiled in her favor, as Jane had a gained a substantial lead over her opponents. She even managed to win the game but, unfortunately, time had run out before the show’s host could ask her the big question. Jane agreed to return the following day.
Jane was nervous as her husband drove them home. “I’ve just gotta win tomorrow. I wish I knew what the answer might be! You know I’m not going to sleep at all tonight. I will probably look like garbage tomorrow.”
“Relax honey,” her husband, Roger, reassured her, “It will all be OK.”
Ten minutes after they arrived home, Roger grabbed the car keys and started heading out the door. “Where are you going?” Jane asked.
“I have a little errand to run. I should be back soon.” After an agonizing three hour absence, Roger returned, sporting a very wide and wicked grin. “Honey, I managed to get tomorrow’s question and answer!”
“What is it?” she cried excitedly.
“OK. The question is: What are the three main parts of the male anatomy? And the answer is: The head, the heart, and the penis.” The couple went to sleep with Jane, now feeling at ease, plummeting into a deep slumber.
At 3:30 a.m., however, Jane was shaken awake by Roger, who was asking her the quiz show question. “The head, the heart, and the penis,” Jane replied groggily before returning to sleep. And Roger asked her again in the morning, this time as Jane was brushing her teeth. Once again, Jane replied correctly.
So it was that Jane was once again on the set of the quiz show. Even though she knew the question and answer, she could feel butterflies in her stomach. The cameras began running and the host, after reminding the audience of the previous days’ events, faced Jane and asked the big question: “Jane, for $65,000, what are the main parts of the male anatomy? You have 10 seconds.”
“Hmm, uhm, the head?” she said nervously.
“Very good. Six seconds.”
“Eh, uh, the heart?”
“Very good! Four seconds.”
“I, uhh, ooooooohh, darn! My husband drilled it into me last night and I had it on the tip of my tongue this morning…”
“That’s close enough!” said the game show host, “CONGRATULATIONS–YOU WIN!!”
salutations, pecker...
i've heard this song before....it's utterly hilarious....rodney carrington rocks!
nomenclature problem
It was the first day of the school year and the shop teacher was surprised to see a rather "princess-like" young lady sitting in the front row of the classroom.
Her name was Judy and she was the only girl to sign up for the woodworking shop class that term. The shop teacher asked her if she was sure she was in the right class, and Judy assured him that she was.
The teacher then said, "This course may be a bit outof your league. Do you have any experience at all working with tools?"
"What exactly do you mean?" replied Judy.
"Well, what's the difference between a nail, a screw and a bolt?" theshop teacher asked.
Judy pondered the question for a moment, then replied, "Well, I can't rightly say as I know, 'cause I ain't never been 'bolted'.
this just goes to show...
...the crazy lengths that some people will go to for perceived beauty....sheesh...RIP
Beauty queen 'died for a firmer behind'
A former Miss Argentina and international model has died three days after booking herself in for a buttock lift at a Buenos Aires, in a tragedy that has thrown the growing national obsession with the body beautiful into the spotlight.
Solange Magnano, a 38-year-old married mother of twins who still enjoyed a successful modelling career, died of a pulmonary embolism.
“A woman who had everything lost her life to have a slightly firmer behind,” said fashion designer and close friend, Roberto Piazza, in whose runway shows Ms Magnano frequently appeared.
Ms Magnano, who was Miss Argentina in 1994, had gone with a friend to a clinic run by Monica Portnoy, which, according to reports in the Argentinian press, performs an average of 15 such procedures daily. But after complications developed during the operation, which involves injections of the substance Polimetilmetacrilate, she was rushed to hospital with acute respiratory deficiency.
Her condition deteriorated until she suffered the embolism on Sunday, said Dr Gonzales Cortes, who attended her case.
“She only underwent the procedure because she thought it was no big deal,” said Guillermo Azar, another associate from the fashion world and a close friend of the model. Mr Piazza said Ms Magnano had not needed the operation and suggested she had fallen victim to an increasingly beauty-obsessed society.
via
Beauty queen 'died for a firmer behind'
A former Miss Argentina and international model has died three days after booking herself in for a buttock lift at a Buenos Aires, in a tragedy that has thrown the growing national obsession with the body beautiful into the spotlight.
Solange Magnano, a 38-year-old married mother of twins who still enjoyed a successful modelling career, died of a pulmonary embolism.
“A woman who had everything lost her life to have a slightly firmer behind,” said fashion designer and close friend, Roberto Piazza, in whose runway shows Ms Magnano frequently appeared.
Ms Magnano, who was Miss Argentina in 1994, had gone with a friend to a clinic run by Monica Portnoy, which, according to reports in the Argentinian press, performs an average of 15 such procedures daily. But after complications developed during the operation, which involves injections of the substance Polimetilmetacrilate, she was rushed to hospital with acute respiratory deficiency.
Her condition deteriorated until she suffered the embolism on Sunday, said Dr Gonzales Cortes, who attended her case.
“She only underwent the procedure because she thought it was no big deal,” said Guillermo Azar, another associate from the fashion world and a close friend of the model. Mr Piazza said Ms Magnano had not needed the operation and suggested she had fallen victim to an increasingly beauty-obsessed society.
via
top 10
Top 10 times in history when using the F word was appropriate
10th – “Scattered @#$%ing showers, my ass!”
- Noah, 4314 BC
9th – “How the @#$% did you work that out?”
- Pythagoras, 126 BC
8th – “You want WHAT on the @#$%ing ceiling?”
- Michelangelo, 1566
7th – “Where did all those @#$%ing Indians come from?”
- Custer, 1877
6th – “It does so @#$%ing look like her!”
- Picasso, 1926
5th – “Where the @#$% are we?”
- Amelia Earhart, 1937
4th – “Any @#$%ing idiot could understand that.”
- Einstein, 1938
3rd – “What the @#$% was that?”
- Mayor Of Hiroshima, 1945
2nd – “I need this parade like I need a @#$%ing hole in the head
- JFK, 1963
And, the Number 1 time in history when using the “F” word was appropriate…
“Aw c’mon. Who the @#$% is going to find out?”
- Bill Clinton, 1997
10th – “Scattered @#$%ing showers, my ass!”
- Noah, 4314 BC
9th – “How the @#$% did you work that out?”
- Pythagoras, 126 BC
8th – “You want WHAT on the @#$%ing ceiling?”
- Michelangelo, 1566
7th – “Where did all those @#$%ing Indians come from?”
- Custer, 1877
6th – “It does so @#$%ing look like her!”
- Picasso, 1926
5th – “Where the @#$% are we?”
- Amelia Earhart, 1937
4th – “Any @#$%ing idiot could understand that.”
- Einstein, 1938
3rd – “What the @#$% was that?”
- Mayor Of Hiroshima, 1945
2nd – “I need this parade like I need a @#$%ing hole in the head
- JFK, 1963
And, the Number 1 time in history when using the “F” word was appropriate…
“Aw c’mon. Who the @#$% is going to find out?”
- Bill Clinton, 1997
well, sombody was happpy...
A visit from Grandma and Grandpa
Grandma and Grandpa were visiting their kids overnight.
When Grandpa found a bottle of Viagra in his son’s medicine-cabinet, he asked about using one of the pills.
The son said : ‘I don’t think you should take one, Dad. They’re very strong and very expensive.’
‘How much?’ asked Grandpa.
‘$10.00 a pill.’ answered the son.
‘I don’t care,’ said Grandpa,
‘I’d still like to try one, and before we leave in the morning, I’ll put the money under the pillow.’
Later the next morning, the son found $110.00 under the pillow.
He called Grandpa and said : ‘Dad, I told you each pill costs $10.00, not $110.00. ‘
‘I know,’ said Grandpa. ‘The hundred is from your ma!’
Grandma and Grandpa were visiting their kids overnight.
When Grandpa found a bottle of Viagra in his son’s medicine-cabinet, he asked about using one of the pills.
The son said : ‘I don’t think you should take one, Dad. They’re very strong and very expensive.’
‘How much?’ asked Grandpa.
‘$10.00 a pill.’ answered the son.
‘I don’t care,’ said Grandpa,
‘I’d still like to try one, and before we leave in the morning, I’ll put the money under the pillow.’
Later the next morning, the son found $110.00 under the pillow.
He called Grandpa and said : ‘Dad, I told you each pill costs $10.00, not $110.00. ‘
‘I know,’ said Grandpa. ‘The hundred is from your ma!’
you're not bloody serious!!?!
blimey...he's huge!
and he's causing somewhat of a debate...apparently the gate staff allowed him to board even though he only paid for 1 ticket...he's a moving hazard in case of an emergency!
and he's causing somewhat of a debate...apparently the gate staff allowed him to board even though he only paid for 1 ticket...he's a moving hazard in case of an emergency!
read more HERE.
Wednesday, December 02, 2009
Nurburgring: Das Movie
holy mother!!! i have sooooo got to watch this....this being of course Titan by French director Stephane Benini...it's alllll about the Nurgburgring, its mystique, its inimitable Nordschleife, the sheer epicness of this huge circuit...
check out this 6 minute trailer...and up the volume to the max...the sound of the Aston Martin DBR9 is utterly awwwwesome!!!
check out this 6 minute trailer...and up the volume to the max...the sound of the Aston Martin DBR9 is utterly awwwwesome!!!
emma watson...bikini...jackpot, baby!!!
OMFG!!! cold shower coming right up!!!!
and as a bonus....
in the spirit of christmas....."Do you see what I seeeeeee??????????????????"
and as a bonus....
in the spirit of christmas....."Do you see what I seeeeeee??????????????????"
oh they grow up so fast...
...and in the public eye too.
i still remember the first harry potter movie....daniel, rupert and emma were three totally adorable munchkins in The Philosopher's Stone 8 years ago...
now look at them....
emma is reaaaaaally turning into one hottttttt gal...my oh my...
i still remember the first harry potter movie....daniel, rupert and emma were three totally adorable munchkins in The Philosopher's Stone 8 years ago...
now look at them....
emma is reaaaaaally turning into one hottttttt gal...my oh my...
what a bloody waste of money....
....who was the idiot that approved this study? i mean, you don't need to me an expert to tell me that it could potentially be dangerous...anyone with an iota of common sense would know...and 250k pounds sterling? geeezzzz
Health and safety experts spent two years and £250,000 establishing that ten-pin bowling can be 'very dangerous'
The Health and Safety Executive report, which was prompted by an accident involving an operator, concluded that children were particularly at risk if they ran down lanes and got trapped in machinery - despite there being no evidence the disaster scenario has ever actually occurred.
The HSE initially wanted to see barriers put across the lanes to keep players safe - until it was pointed out that bowlers would not be able to see what they were aiming at. "Because customers need to see the pins and bowling balls entering the machine, managing the risk of access into the machine from the lanes is more difficult," the report found.
Instead, it has told operators to install photoelectric beams to lanes so the machines that realign the pins will cut off automatically if anyone walks up the lane.
John Ashbridge, of The Ten-Pin Bowling Proprietors Association, said he watched the HSE inspectors examining a bowling centre and declared their attempts to detect potential hazards "hilarious".
He said that some operators had already fitted photoelectric beams but while they did not cause any problems, they had largely proved redundant since no players had attempted walking down the lanes.
"I have been in this industry for 40 years and I have never known any member of the public injured by a bowling pinsetter. I have never heard of anybody going near the pins," he said.
via
Health and safety experts spent two years and £250,000 establishing that ten-pin bowling can be 'very dangerous'
The Health and Safety Executive report, which was prompted by an accident involving an operator, concluded that children were particularly at risk if they ran down lanes and got trapped in machinery - despite there being no evidence the disaster scenario has ever actually occurred.
The HSE initially wanted to see barriers put across the lanes to keep players safe - until it was pointed out that bowlers would not be able to see what they were aiming at. "Because customers need to see the pins and bowling balls entering the machine, managing the risk of access into the machine from the lanes is more difficult," the report found.
Instead, it has told operators to install photoelectric beams to lanes so the machines that realign the pins will cut off automatically if anyone walks up the lane.
John Ashbridge, of The Ten-Pin Bowling Proprietors Association, said he watched the HSE inspectors examining a bowling centre and declared their attempts to detect potential hazards "hilarious".
He said that some operators had already fitted photoelectric beams but while they did not cause any problems, they had largely proved redundant since no players had attempted walking down the lanes.
"I have been in this industry for 40 years and I have never known any member of the public injured by a bowling pinsetter. I have never heard of anybody going near the pins," he said.
via
stupid snake....
i just can't believe it!!! so dumbbbbb!
Hungry snake tries to eat own tail
A hungry snake found his latest meal hard to swallow — when it tried to eat its own tail. The greedy 3ft creature mistook his rear end for a tasty dish and started to gobble it up.
The panic-stricken king snake quickly realised its mistake but was unable to regurgitate his tail because his backward-facing teeth had taken hold. Luckily the reptile was rescued when its owner spotted it choking.
The snake was taken to Seers Croft Veterinary Centre in Faygate, near Horsham, West Sussex.
Exotic reptiles expert Rob Reynolds prised open the snake's mouth, then dislocated its jaw and slid out the unfortunate choice of lunch before it had been digested.
via
Hungry snake tries to eat own tail
A hungry snake found his latest meal hard to swallow — when it tried to eat its own tail. The greedy 3ft creature mistook his rear end for a tasty dish and started to gobble it up.
The panic-stricken king snake quickly realised its mistake but was unable to regurgitate his tail because his backward-facing teeth had taken hold. Luckily the reptile was rescued when its owner spotted it choking.
The snake was taken to Seers Croft Veterinary Centre in Faygate, near Horsham, West Sussex.
Exotic reptiles expert Rob Reynolds prised open the snake's mouth, then dislocated its jaw and slid out the unfortunate choice of lunch before it had been digested.
via
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
