here's a really weird one...

...imagine getting attacked by a shark....easy, right?

now imagine getting attacked by a shark....in your own bedroom, nothing less!

read on...just too damn funny!!!

A shark attack in the Black Country all sounds a bit fishy but schoolboy Sam Hawthorne has a story to really get your teeth into.

In a scene reminiscent of Jaws the 14-year-old survived a terrifying ordeal when he was attacked by the beast – in his own bedroom. Susan Hawthorne heard screams in the middle of the night at the family home in Hawthorne Road, Quarry Bank and thought her son was having a nightmare. But moments later she found blood pouring from a wound.

She went into his room and switched on the light and saw the head of a shark embedded in Sam’s left cheek, blood pouring from a gaping wound. Bizarrely sleepwalker Sam had banged into the creature’s head which was hanging on the wall of his nautical themed bedroom, a souvenir brought back from a trip to Portugal.

Mother-of-three Mrs Hawthorne said: “It was like something out of a horror film. I could see the shark’s head attached to Sam’s face and there was blood pouring down his pyjamas. “When he looked in the mirror he had the fright of his life but being a bit vain his first thought was whether he would be disfigured. He is lucky the teeth did not catch his eye but he has got a scar and it looks as though he has been bitten by a dog.

“The shark must have been embedded in Sam’s cheek for about 15 minutes and he was in a lot of pain.”

At Thorns School and Community College yesterday staff gave the reason for Sam’s absence as ‘shark attack.’ Mrs Hawthorne, aged 40, added: “I took the shark’s head in a bag to the school to show the staff. “It has to go down history as the most unusual reason for a student to skip school.”

article HERE.

51 days...

...let them have them moment of glory before the balloon is abruptly punctured...


A bartender is sitting behind the bar on a typical day, when the door bursts open and in come four exuberant blondes. They come up to the bar, order five bottles of champagne and ten glasses, take their order over and sit down at a large table.

The corks are popped, the glasses are filled and they begin toasting and chanting, “51 days, 51 days, 51 days!”

Soon, three more blondes arrive, take up their drinks and the chanting grows. “51 days, 51 days, 51 days!”

Two more blondes show up and soon their voices are joined in raising the roof. “51 days, 51 days, 51 days!”

Finally, the tenth blonde comes in with a picture under her arm. She walks over to the table, sets the picture in the middle and the table erupts. Up jumps the others, they begin dancing around the table, exchanging high-fives, all the while chanting “51 days, 51 days, 51 days!”

The bartender can’t contain his curiosity any longer, so he walks over to the table. There in the center is a beautifully framed children’s jigsaw puzzle. When the frenzy dies down a little bit, the bartender asks one of the blondes, “What’s all the chanting and celebration about?”

The blonde who brought in the picture explains, “Everyone thinks that blondes are dumb and they make fun of us. So, we decided to set the record straight. Ten of us got together, bought that puzzle and put it together.

“The side of the box said 2 to 4 years, but we put it together in 51 days!”

men vs women

succinct!

ok, given the circumstances...

...this is not supposed to be funny of course...but aiyooooo....cracked me up!

woah!!!

...but why do it?????



looks like some alien lifeform busting out...phreaky!!!

hot off the presses...

...yeesh, don't they proof-read and/or double-check???

hmmm...food for though!

waiter! get me another beer!!!

ALL FAIL!!!!

so stooooooopid!!!!

Passenger carrying drugs in Tokyo as dog fails sniff test

An unsuspecting passenger who flew to Tokyo is carrying one million yen's worth of cannabis compliments of customs authorities after a sniffer dog failed a test, officials said yesterday.

An officer at Narita International Airport on Sunday stuffed 142 grams (five ounces) of the drug into the side pocket of a randomly selected black suitcase coming off an overseas flight so that the animal could detect it.

"The dog couldn't find it and the officer also forgot which bag he put it in," a customs office spokeswoman said. "If by some chance passengers find it in their suitcase, we're asking them to return it," she said.

The 38-year-old officer was quoted by the spokeswoman as saying: "I knew that using passengers' bags is prohibited, but I did it because I wanted to improve the sniffer dog's ability." He was reprimanded by the head of customs at Narita.

"This case was extremely regrettable. I would like to deeply apologise," said the airport's customs chief Manpei Tanaka. The cannabis, which has a street value of one million yen (9,680 dollars), was in a metal box wrapped with newspapers.

Japan strictly prohibits both hard and soft drugs, with people imprisoned for possession of even small amounts of cannabis.

article HERE.

now that's confidence!

A supremely confident 007 walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman. He gives her a quick glance, then casually looks at his watch for a moment.

The woman notices this and asks, “Is your date running late?”

“No”, he replies, “I am here alone. Q has just given me this state-of-the-art watch and I was just testing it.”

The intrigued woman says, “A state-of-the-art watch? What’s so special about it?”

“It uses alpha waves to telepathically talk to me,” he explains.

“What’s it telling you now?”

“Well, it says you’re not wearing any panties…”

The woman giggles and replies, “Well it must be broken because I am wearing panties!”

007 taps, taps his watch, and says “Damn thing must be an hour fast!”

kobe + jackass + snakes...

...seriously!!! that's some airtime!

dear dads out there, please note...

...kids are not INFLATABLE DOLLS! what a stunningly stupid father he is!!

A Cambodian father and mechanic learned the hard way not to inflate children when he inserted an air hose designed to fill car tires into his 5-year-old son's anus and blew him up, local media reported on Thursday.

The Khmer-language Rasmei Kampuchea daily reported Try Sienghym was "playing" with his son Sok Sambo when the incident took place. The paper said the child's stomach became distended and his concerned mother rushed him to hospital, where he remains in a stable condition and is expected to make a full recovery.

"The father very much regrets playing like this now," the paper quoted a family member as saying. Police were not expected to take action against the father, blaming the incident on pure stupidity, against which there is currently no law.

article HERE.

weird product labels...

On Tesco’s - Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom) — ‘Do not turn upside down.’

On Sainsbury’s peanuts — ‘Warning: contains nuts’

On Boot’s Children Cough Medicine — ‘Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication.’ (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5 year-olds with head-colds off those bulldozers.)

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding — ‘Product will be hot after heating.’ (…and you thought????…)

On a Sears hairdryer — Do not use while sleeping. (That’s the only time I have to work on my hair.)

On a bag of Fritos — You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (the shoplifter special?)

On a bar of Dial soap — ‘Directions: Use like regular soap.’ (and that would be???….)

On some Swanson frozen dinners — ‘Serving suggestion: Defrost.’ (but, it’s just a suggestion.)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron — ‘Do not iron clothes on body.’ (but wouldn’t this save me time?)

On Nytol Sleep Aid — ‘Warning: May cause drowsiness.’ (..I’m taking this because???….)

On most brands of Christmas lights — ‘For indoor or outdoor use only.’ (as opposed to what?)

On a Japanese food processor — ‘Not to be used for the other use.’ (now, somebody out there, help me on this. I’m a bit curious.)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts — ‘Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts.’ (Step 3: say what?)

On a child’s Superman costume — ‘Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.’ (I don’t blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)

On a Swedish chainsaw — ‘Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals.’ (Oh my God..was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)

women!

precision

aiyo......how come never go any further????

italian babe gets stripped by....a mechanical shovel!

idiot alert...

it probably seemed like a good idea at the time...why i have absolutely no idea...what a dimbulb!

revisiting an old favourite...

...released in 1989, IF I COULD was the biggest hit for aussie band 1927...off their "....ISH" album, it was essentially a rock ballad with seriously sappy lyrics but boy oh boy, was it a guilty pleasure for me or wat...



If I could paint
I'd paint a portrait of you
The sunlight in your eyes a masterpiece of truth
And a single tear like a silent prayer
That's shining so much brighter than a diamond ever dared
If I could do anything at all, I'd do it for you

If I could write
I'd write a book for you
A tale of hidden treasures with an I.O.U
And a million words couldn't say a thing
That won't be said in three words
Where love's the central theme
If I could do anything at all, I'd do it for you

Chorus
Darling can't you see
What you mean to me
Anything that I can do I'll do it for you
And darling don't you know
Just how far I'd go
Anything that I can do, I'd do it for you

Sometimes I feel so second-rate
Seems loving you was my greatest mistake
I know I'm insecure
And love don't keep score
But I wish I could give you more

If I could play
I'd play up a storm for you
A raging sea of passion that you never knew
Every whispered sound would touch your heart
And maybe for a moment I could be your favourite star
If I could do anything at all
If I could, I'd give you more
If I could do anything at all…..I'd do it for you

Chorus

And darling can't you see
You mean the world to me
Anything that I can do I'll do it for you
And darling don't you know
Just how far I'd go
Anything that I can do I'll do it, I'll do it for you
I'll do it, do it for you

so..........

...did it hit the mark, you may ask? did it live up to my expectations?

in some ways, it did...the sewing up of loose ends, the cracking action-packed sequences (of which the jungle scene stands head and shoulders above), the weaving of "reality" and "fiction" plot trails and the larger-than-life character of henry walton jones, otherwise known as indiana (WOOF!!!)...

but crucially, in other ways, it peters out and makes me think that...yes, it may be time to bid a fond farewell to the franchise that began 27 years ago...the plotline staggers its way thru without a whole lot of cohesion, the macguffin of the crystal skull is fairly lame and the pacing was kinda flat throughout, even when building towards the finale...

i think it is fair to give it a considered 6.5/10...it never does get close to the highwater mark (for me) of both raiders and crusade...i think i probably have been guilty of gazing through rose-tinted glasses and looking back on things past, when the run-up to the release of the crystal skull was in progress...

i mean, c'mon...it's INDY!!! we all wanted and yearned for lucas and spielberg to make use of current technology and hit new highs with this movie, seeing as how it probably will be the last one, with the protagonist is played by a 65 year old man...to have it go out for its final swansong hitting all the high notes perfectly...

regretfully this is not the case...it still is a pretty good joyride though, but it ultimately fizzles out somewhat...

goodbye junior...you will be missed...

marie digby's SAY IT AGAIN...

...the official video, that is....aiyo, she's soooo gorgeous...be still my beating heart... as compared to the acoustic "layman" video that i posted here earlier this month...

oh yeah baybeeeee

...re this post HERE...am meeting doktor chones tonight!!!

yeeehhaaaaa! can't wait...

pap-pap pap-paaarrrr, pap-pap paaaar...