funny ads

apparently, these were all real...

1. Braille dictionary for sale. Must see to appreciate.
2. FOR SALE BY OWNER: Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica. 45 volumes. Excellent condition. $1,000.00 or best offer. No longer needed. Got married last weekend. Wife knows everything.
3. Help wanted, singer for rock band. Must be female or male.
4. For sale, Hope Chest, brand new, half off, long story.
5. Help wanted, adult or mature teenager to baby-sit. One dollar an hour.
6. Lost: small brown poodle. Reward. Neutered. Like one of the family.
7. For sale: a quilted high chair that can be made into a table, potty chair, rocking horse, refrigerator, spring coat, size 8 and fur collar.
8. Four-posted bed, 101 years old. Perfect for antique lover.
9. Wanted: Part-time married girls for soda fountain in sandwich shop.
10. Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel.
11. Christmas sale. Handmade gifts for the hard-to- find person.
12. Wanted, man to take care of cows that does not smoke or drink.
13. Three-year old teacher needed for pre-school. Experience preferred.
14. Wanted. Widower with school-age children requires person to assume general housekeeping duties. Must be capable of contributing to growth of family.
15. Tired of working for only $9.75 per hour? We offer profit sharing and flexible hours. Starting pay: $7 — $9 per hour.
16. Our sofa seats the whole mob and it’s made of 100% Italian leather.
17. Full sized mattress. 20 year warranty. Like New. Slight urine smell.
18. Nordic Track $300 hardly used, call Chubby.
19. Joining nudist colony! Must sell washer and dryer $300.
20. Open house body shapers toning salon free coffee and donuts
21. Found: dirty white dog. Looks like a rat… been out while. Better be reward.
22. Exercise equipment: Queen Size Mattress & Box Springs – $175.
23. Free Yorkshire Terrier: 8 years old. Hateful little dog.
24. Free puppies: ½ cocker spaniel, ½ sneaky neighbor’s dog.
25. Free puppies: part German Shepherd, part stupid dog.
26. German Shepherd, 85 lbs. Neutered. Speaks German. Free.
27. Snow Blower for sale…only used on snowy days.
28. Bill’s Septic Cleaning: “We Haul American-Made Products.”
29. Cows, calves never bred…also 1 gay bull for sale.
30. Nice Parachute – Never opened. Used once.
31. Hummels – Largest selection ever. “If it’s in stock, then we have it!”
32. 1 man, 7 women hot tub. $850/offer.
33. Shakespeare’s Pizza. Free chopsticks.
34. Tickle-Me-Elmo, still in box, comes with its own 1988 Ford Mustang, 5L, Auto, Excellent condition $6800.