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A small zoo in Arkansas obtained a very rare species of gorilla. Within a few weeks the gorilla, a female, became very difficult to handle. Upon examination, the veterinarian determined the problem. The gorilla was in heat. To make matters worse, there was no male gorilla available.

Thinking about their problem, the Zoo Keeper thought of Billy Bob Burnett, a redneck part-time worker responsible for cleaning the turtle cages. Billy Bob, like most rednecks, had little sense but possessed ample ability to satisfy a female of any species.

The Zoo Keeper thought they might have a solution. Billy Bob was approached with a proposition. Would he be willing to mate with the gorilla for $500.00?

Billy Bob showed some interest, but said he would have to think the matter over carefully. The following day, he announced that he would accept their offer, but only under five conditions:

“First”, Billy Bob said, “I ain’t gonna kiss her on the lips.” The Keeper quickly agreed to this condition.

“Second”, he said, “She must wear a ‘Dale Earnhardt Forever’ T-Shirt.” The keeper again readily agreed to this condition.

“Third”, he said, “you can’t never tell no one about this.” The keeper again readily agreed to this condition.

“Fourth”, Billy Bob said, “I want all the children raised Southern Baptist.” Once again it was agreed.

“And last,” Billy Bob said, “I’ll need another week to come up with the $500.00.