perfect timing!Tuesday, May 20, 2008
i just love double-entrendres...
...and here are 12 of the finest double-entendres that have been aired on British TV & Radio
- Pat Glenn, weightlifting commentator - ‘And this is Georgiana from Bulgaria. I saw her snatch this morning and it was amazing!’
- New Zealand Rugby Commentator - ‘Andrew Mehrtens loves it when Daryl Gibson comes inside of him.’
- Ted Walsh - Horse Racing Commentator - ‘This is really a lovely horse. I once rode her mother.’
- Harry Carpenter at the Oxford-Cambridge boat race 1977 - ‘Ah, isn’t that nice. The wife of the Cambridge President is kissing the Cox of the Oxford crew.’
- US PGA Commentator - ‘One of the reasons Arnie (Arnold Palmer) is playing so well is that, before each tee shot, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them … .. Oh my god!! What have I just said??’
- Carenza Lewis about finding food in the Middle Ages on ‘Time Team Live’ said: ‘You’d eat beaver if you could get it.’
- A female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn’t, turned to the weatherman and asked, ‘So Bob, where’s that eight inches you pro missed me last night?’ Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too, because they were laughing so hard!
- Steve Ryder covering the US Masters: ‘Ballesteros felt much better today after a 69 yesterday.’
- Clair Frisby talking about a jumbo hot dog on Look North said: ‘There’s nothing like a big hot sausage inside you on a cold night like this.’
- Mike Hallett discussing missed snooker shots on Sky Sports: ‘Stephen Hendry jumps on Steve Davis’s misses every chance he gets.’
- Michael Buerk on watching Phillipa Forrester cuddle up to a male astronomer for warmth during BBC1’s UK eclipse coverage remarked: ‘They seem cold out there, they’re rubbing each other and he’s only come in his shorts.’
- Ken Brown commentating on golfer Nick Faldo and his caddie Fanny Sunneson lining-up shots at the Scottish Open: ‘Some weeks Nick likes to use Fanny, other weeks he prefers to do it by himself.
darwinism @ its best...
moron alert!
A man died when he fell from a hotel balcony during a spitting match with a friend, a Swiss newspaper has reported.
The daily Blick said the 29-year-old man took a run-up from inside the room so he could spit further, but lost his balance and plummeted 6.4m to the street below. He died in hospital.
The man had suggested the contest when he and two friends returned from a disco to their hotel in Cadempino in Switzerland's Italian-speaking Ticino canton in the early hours. One of the men went to sleep, but the two others decided to see who could spit furthest from the balcony of their room.
read more HERE.
A man died when he fell from a hotel balcony during a spitting match with a friend, a Swiss newspaper has reported.
The daily Blick said the 29-year-old man took a run-up from inside the room so he could spit further, but lost his balance and plummeted 6.4m to the street below. He died in hospital.
The man had suggested the contest when he and two friends returned from a disco to their hotel in Cadempino in Switzerland's Italian-speaking Ticino canton in the early hours. One of the men went to sleep, but the two others decided to see who could spit furthest from the balcony of their room.
read more HERE.
yikes
note to self - stay off the damn grass during track & field events!
Ryan McGeeney, a budding journalist and photographer shooting from the sidelines of a track meet in Utah. McGeeney was actually standing on the field of competition and attempting to shoot photos of the discus competition.
"It basically came from about my seven o'clock or eight o'clock," he said. Right before it hit, the official started to say 'Look out! Look out!' and I started to look over to the javelin right when it went through. There was the kind of tight feeling in the skin where I could say, 'oh yeah, it went through me,' but it wasn't real painful."
Astonishingly, the javelin missed all tendons, bones, and arteries in McGeeney's leg, lodging through the skin like the world's most extreme but benign piercing. McGeeney got a good patching up at a local hospital, but not before calling a co-worker over and snapping photos of the damage himself as a Marine who served a tour of duty in Afghanistan would.
read more HERE.
Ryan McGeeney, a budding journalist and photographer shooting from the sidelines of a track meet in Utah. McGeeney was actually standing on the field of competition and attempting to shoot photos of the discus competition."It basically came from about my seven o'clock or eight o'clock," he said. Right before it hit, the official started to say 'Look out! Look out!' and I started to look over to the javelin right when it went through. There was the kind of tight feeling in the skin where I could say, 'oh yeah, it went through me,' but it wasn't real painful."
Astonishingly, the javelin missed all tendons, bones, and arteries in McGeeney's leg, lodging through the skin like the world's most extreme but benign piercing. McGeeney got a good patching up at a local hospital, but not before calling a co-worker over and snapping photos of the damage himself as a Marine who served a tour of duty in Afghanistan would.
read more HERE.
Sunday, May 18, 2008
IQ-deficient criminals...
...better get them off the streets before they hurt themselves!
***
A man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America, walked into the branch and wrote “this iz a stikkup. Put all your muny in this bag.” While standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he began to worry that someone had seen him write the note and might call the police before he reached the teller’s window.
So he left the Bank of America and crossed the street to Wells Fargo.After waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his note to the Wells Fargo teller. She read it and, surmising from his spelling errors thathe wasn’t the brightest light in the harbor, told him that she could not accept his stickup note because it was written on a Bank of America deposit slip and that he would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo deposit slip or go back to Bank of America.
Looking somewhat defeated, the man said, “OK” and left. He was arrested a few minutes later, as he was waiting in line back at Bank of America.
***
Guy walked into a little corner store with a shotgun and demanded all the cash from the cash drawer. After the cashier put the cash in a bag, the robber saw a bottle of scotch that he wanted behind the counter on the shelf. He told the cashier to put it in the bag as well, but the cashier refused and said, “Because I don’t believe you are over 21.”
The robber said he was, but the clerk still refused to give it to him because he didn’t believe him.At this point the robber took his driver’s license out of his wallet and gave it to the clerk. The clerk looked it over, agreed that the man was in fact over 21 and he put the scotch in the bag. The robber then ran from the store with his loot. The cashier promptly called the police and gave the name and address of the robber that he got off the license. They arrested the robber two hours later.
***
A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop nervously waving revolvers. The first one shouted, “Nobody move!” When his partner moved, the startled first bandit shot him.
***
Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he’d just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. Seems the liquor store window was made of Plexi-Glass. The whole event was caught on videotape.
***
A man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America, walked into the branch and wrote “this iz a stikkup. Put all your muny in this bag.” While standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he began to worry that someone had seen him write the note and might call the police before he reached the teller’s window.
So he left the Bank of America and crossed the street to Wells Fargo.After waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his note to the Wells Fargo teller. She read it and, surmising from his spelling errors thathe wasn’t the brightest light in the harbor, told him that she could not accept his stickup note because it was written on a Bank of America deposit slip and that he would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo deposit slip or go back to Bank of America.
Looking somewhat defeated, the man said, “OK” and left. He was arrested a few minutes later, as he was waiting in line back at Bank of America.
***
Guy walked into a little corner store with a shotgun and demanded all the cash from the cash drawer. After the cashier put the cash in a bag, the robber saw a bottle of scotch that he wanted behind the counter on the shelf. He told the cashier to put it in the bag as well, but the cashier refused and said, “Because I don’t believe you are over 21.”
The robber said he was, but the clerk still refused to give it to him because he didn’t believe him.At this point the robber took his driver’s license out of his wallet and gave it to the clerk. The clerk looked it over, agreed that the man was in fact over 21 and he put the scotch in the bag. The robber then ran from the store with his loot. The cashier promptly called the police and gave the name and address of the robber that he got off the license. They arrested the robber two hours later.
***
A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop nervously waving revolvers. The first one shouted, “Nobody move!” When his partner moved, the startled first bandit shot him.
***
Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he’d just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. Seems the liquor store window was made of Plexi-Glass. The whole event was caught on videotape.
hilarious!
A man wakes up one morning to find a bear on his roof. So he looks in the yellow pages and sure enough, there’s an ad for ‘Bear Removers’. He calls the number, and the bear remover says he’ll be over in 30 minutes. The bear remover arrives, and gets out of his van. He’s got a ladder, a baseball bat, a shotgun and a mean old pit bull.
‘What are you going to do?’ the homeowner asks?
‘I’m going to put this ladder up against the roof, then, I’m going to go up there and knock the bear off the roof with this baseball bat. When the bear falls off, the pit bull is trained to grab his testicles and not let go. The bear will then be subdued enough for me to put him in the cage in the back of the van.’ He hands the shotgun to the homeowner.
‘What’s the shotgun for?’, asks the homeowner.
‘If the bear knocks me off the roof, shoot the dog.’
Friday, May 16, 2008
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
i wanna worship @ the temple of VTEC
the MUGEN FD2R-R scalpel with 240hp/218NM and track-ready as you can get it...totally steamo!!!
i'm all wet now
read more here.
i'm all wet now
read more here.
Monday, May 12, 2008
i dig digby...
'sho i do...just came across this gorgeous 25 year-old irish-japanese lass today by the name of MARIE DIGBY...singer-songwriter...got the looks and the talent to go far, i tell you... this is SAY IT AGAIN...her debut single...the acoustic version really allows her to show off her voice...very good control indeed...
read more about her HERE
and here's another article.
Marie Digby Lyrics
Say It Again Lyrics
lagi ha ha ha!!!
A woman runs into the golf course pro shop and screams, “I was just stung by a bee!”
The golf pro asks, “Where?”
Still screaming, the woman replies, “Between the first and second hole.”
The pro scratches his head for a moment and replies, “It sounds like your stance is too wide.”
hahaha!
A very pretty young speech therapist was getting nowhere with her ‘Stammerers Action’ group. She had tried every technique in the book without the slightest success. Finally, thoroughly exasperated, she said,
‘If any of you can tell me the name of the town where you were born, without stuttering, I will have wild and passionate sex with you until your muscles ache and your eyes water. So, who wants to go first?’
The Englishman piped up, ‘B-b-b-b-b-b-b-irmingham’, he said.
‘That’s no use, Trevor’ said the speech therapist, ‘Who’s next?’.
The Scotsman raised his hand and blurted out, ‘P-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-aisley’.
‘That’s no better. There’ll be no wild sex for you either afraid, Hamish.
How about you, Paddy?’.
The Irishman took a deep breath and eventually blurted out, ‘London’.
‘That’s Brilliant, Paddy!’, said the speech therapist and immediately set about living up to her promise. After 15 minutes of exceptionally steamy wild sex, the couple paused for breath and Paddy said, ‘d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-erry’
Friday, May 09, 2008
my nightmare...
i reaaaally hate the occasional bouts of hiccuping that i come down with...drives me nuts. so i can share in this fella's pain...hope the surgery works out fine and he no longer has to live with the agony...
A singer who estimates that he has hiccupped almost 10 million times in the last 15 months is to undergo an operation to cure him from the condition.
Christopher Sands, 24, has tried all manner of remedies - ranging from old wives’ tales like eating honey while hanging upside down, to hi-tech cures such as sitting in a compression chamber - since his hiccupping fit began in February 2007.
Now he is to undergo keyhole surgery after doctors diagnosed a damaged stomach valve. The faulty valve has been causing acid reflux - a condition where stomach acid leaks into the gullet causing heartburn and hiccups.
”I’m pinning all my hopes on this operation. I want my life back,” said Mr Sands from Lincoln, Lincs. “I’m losing my mind. I can hardly eat or sleep. I can’t socialise. I can’t work or drive and it’s next to impossible to make music.”
Mr Sands estimates he hiccups once every two seconds for 12 hours a day. Therefore he hiccups 1,800 times in an hour. That works out at 21,600 hiccups a day, nearly 7.9 million a year and approaching 10 million times in the last 15 months.
article HERE. there's a video HERE.
A singer who estimates that he has hiccupped almost 10 million times in the last 15 months is to undergo an operation to cure him from the condition.Christopher Sands, 24, has tried all manner of remedies - ranging from old wives’ tales like eating honey while hanging upside down, to hi-tech cures such as sitting in a compression chamber - since his hiccupping fit began in February 2007.
Now he is to undergo keyhole surgery after doctors diagnosed a damaged stomach valve. The faulty valve has been causing acid reflux - a condition where stomach acid leaks into the gullet causing heartburn and hiccups.
”I’m pinning all my hopes on this operation. I want my life back,” said Mr Sands from Lincoln, Lincs. “I’m losing my mind. I can hardly eat or sleep. I can’t socialise. I can’t work or drive and it’s next to impossible to make music.”
Mr Sands estimates he hiccups once every two seconds for 12 hours a day. Therefore he hiccups 1,800 times in an hour. That works out at 21,600 hiccups a day, nearly 7.9 million a year and approaching 10 million times in the last 15 months.
article HERE. there's a video HERE.
woah nelly...
...i bet the dog learnt a really important lesson immediately after this photo was taken!
fortunate man he is...
goodness, actually surviving and not having lost his sight, he should be fervently thanking his lucky stars...
A man survived a shot in the back during a hunting trip Sunday, leaving more than 100 shotgun pellets in his face, neck and back.
Brent Rose, an avid and long-time hunter, suffered the blow while turkey-hunting near Grangeville with a few friends. Rose was within reach of a turkey he had been chasing when he heard someone behind him. He tried to whistle to alert the three hunters to his presence, but said his lips were too dry.
"I waved my hand to let them know I was there," he said. "I saw them looking at me, and then boom. I was face down on the ground holding the back of my head and screaming for my life."
article HERE
A man survived a shot in the back during a hunting trip Sunday, leaving more than 100 shotgun pellets in his face, neck and back.
Brent Rose, an avid and long-time hunter, suffered the blow while turkey-hunting near Grangeville with a few friends. Rose was within reach of a turkey he had been chasing when he heard someone behind him. He tried to whistle to alert the three hunters to his presence, but said his lips were too dry.
"I waved my hand to let them know I was there," he said. "I saw them looking at me, and then boom. I was face down on the ground holding the back of my head and screaming for my life."
article HERE
Thursday, May 08, 2008
the thrilla in manilla revisited...
...in 1975, 2 legends of the ring met in quezon city, philippines in what is generally-acknowledged as possibly one of the most brutal boxing matches of all time...
muhammad ali and joe frazier...titans of the square ring...champions in their own right...
the thrilla in manilla was the apex and the climax of the bitter rivalry between the two pugilists...
see what the buzz was about below...
muhammad ali and joe frazier...titans of the square ring...champions in their own right...
the thrilla in manilla was the apex and the climax of the bitter rivalry between the two pugilists...
see what the buzz was about below...
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