Monday, June 09, 2008
a pee-in-your-pants moment...
...imagine you are kayaking along happily, not a care in the world...and then look up to see.....
six
...yep, count 'em...six years since my beloved and i tied the knot...as of yesterday...
and truth be told, it still boggles my mind that i could have gotten so lucky in life...to have such a wonderful partner, lover and friend...i am truly blessed...
i look forward to the years ahead as we become ever closer as a couple...love you darling!
oooh, and i am looking forward to the dinner @ gunther's tonight...
and truth be told, it still boggles my mind that i could have gotten so lucky in life...to have such a wonderful partner, lover and friend...i am truly blessed...
i look forward to the years ahead as we become ever closer as a couple...love you darling!
oooh, and i am looking forward to the dinner @ gunther's tonight...
Friday, June 06, 2008
get smart!
In one episode of ‘Cheers’, Cliff is seated at the bar describing the Buffalo Theory to his buddy, Norm.I don’t think I’ve ever heard the concept explained any better than this.
‘Well you see, Norm, it’s like this . . . A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first .
This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells.
Now, as we know, excessive intake of alcohol kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine.
And that, Norm, is why you always feel smarter after a few beers.’
drink more beer!!!
vindication!!!
To my friends who enjoy a glass of libation..And those who don’t.
As Ben Franklin said: In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is freedom, in water there is bacteria. In a number of carefully controlled trials, scientists have demonstrated that if we drink 1 liter of water each day, at the end of the year we would have absorbed more than 1 kilo of Escherichia coli, (E. Coli) - bacteria found in faeces.
In other words, we are consuming 1 kilo of poop.
However, we do NOT run that risk when drinking wine & beer (or tequila, rum, Whiskey or other liquor) because alcohol has to go through a purification process of boiling, filtering and /or fermenting.
Remember: Water = Poop, Wine/Beer = Health
Therefore, it’s better to drink wine and talk stupid, than to drink water and be full of shit.
There is no need to thank me for this valuable information: I’m doing it as a public service.
To my friends who enjoy a glass of libation..And those who don’t.
As Ben Franklin said: In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is freedom, in water there is bacteria. In a number of carefully controlled trials, scientists have demonstrated that if we drink 1 liter of water each day, at the end of the year we would have absorbed more than 1 kilo of Escherichia coli, (E. Coli) - bacteria found in faeces.
In other words, we are consuming 1 kilo of poop.
However, we do NOT run that risk when drinking wine & beer (or tequila, rum, Whiskey or other liquor) because alcohol has to go through a purification process of boiling, filtering and /or fermenting.
Remember: Water = Poop, Wine/Beer = Health
Therefore, it’s better to drink wine and talk stupid, than to drink water and be full of shit.
There is no need to thank me for this valuable information: I’m doing it as a public service.
men...and their wives...
these ones had me laughing so hard that i nearly fell off my chair...
When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
Sacha Guitry
After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can’t face each other, but still they stay together.
Hemant Joshi
By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you’ll be happy. If you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher.
Socrates
Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them.
Dumas
The great question… which I have not been able to answer… is, “What does a woman want?
Sigmund Freud
I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.
Anonymous
“Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.”
Henny Youngman
“I don’t worry about terrorism. I was married for two years.”
Sam Kinison
“There’s a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It’s called marriage.”
James Holt McGavran
“I’ve had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me, and the second one didn’t.”
Patrick Murray
Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming
1. Whenever you’re wrong, admit it,
2. Whenever you’re right, shut up.
Nash
The most effective way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once…
Anonymous
You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
Henny Youngman
My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
Rodney Dangerfield
A good wife always forgives her husband when she’s wrong.
Milton Berle
Marriage is the only war where one sleeps with the enemy.
Anonymous
A man inserted an ‘ad’ in the classifieds: “Wife wanted.” Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: “You can have mine.”
Anonymous
First Guy (proudly): “My wife’s an angel!”
Second Guy: “You’re lucky, mine’s still alive.”
When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
Sacha Guitry
After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can’t face each other, but still they stay together.
Hemant Joshi
By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you’ll be happy. If you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher.
Socrates
Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them.
Dumas
The great question… which I have not been able to answer… is, “What does a woman want?
Sigmund Freud
I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.
Anonymous
“Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.”
Henny Youngman
“I don’t worry about terrorism. I was married for two years.”
Sam Kinison
“There’s a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It’s called marriage.”
James Holt McGavran
“I’ve had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me, and the second one didn’t.”
Patrick Murray
Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming
1. Whenever you’re wrong, admit it,
2. Whenever you’re right, shut up.
Nash
The most effective way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once…
Anonymous
You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
Henny Youngman
My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
Rodney Dangerfield
A good wife always forgives her husband when she’s wrong.
Milton Berle
Marriage is the only war where one sleeps with the enemy.
Anonymous
A man inserted an ‘ad’ in the classifieds: “Wife wanted.” Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: “You can have mine.”
Anonymous
First Guy (proudly): “My wife’s an angel!”
Second Guy: “You’re lucky, mine’s still alive.”
Sexy City
catching this tonight with the missus...can't believe that it's been a matter 4 years since carrie and the gals disappeared from the small screen...has it really been that long? well, the movie is supposedly the finishing "episode" for the whole story, what with carrie and big finally getting hitched, i think...
2 hours of that funky chicken city and the gals...should be watchable...looking forward...
Wednesday, June 04, 2008
cripes!
remember pinhead from the movie hellraiser??? sheeeeeet, pinhead has nothing on this chap!!!
In a bizarre publicity stunt, Dr Wei Sheng pierced 2008 (yes two thousand and eight!!!) decorative needles in his head, face, hands and chest in the five colours of the Olympic rings.The picture of Dr Sheng’s was taken in Nanning, Southern China, and demonstrates the patriotic fervour among the Chinese people in the build up to September’s Games.
Dr Sheng's latest stunt was not the first time he had gained notoriety for sticking pins in his body. In 2004 he secured a Guinness World Record after piercing 1790 needles into his head.
Mr Sheng had planned his latest needle stunt in advance, booking a room for the Olympics in Beijing last year. In China, people with tattoos and piercings are widely frowned upon and viewed as social outcasts.
article HERE.
that's one hard ass
HYUK HYUK HYUK!!!! that'll teach the idiot not to muck around!
Utrecht police say a 21-year-old Dutch man is recovering after a "mooning" that went horribly wrong. A police statement says the man and two others had run down a street in Utrecht with their pants pulled down in the back "for a joke."
It says that at one point the 21-year-old "pushed his behind against the window of a restaurant" that broke and resulted in "deep wounds to his derriere."
The statement says police detained the three men after the incident Sunday morning. But the cafe owner decided not to press charges after the men agreed to pay for the broken window. The injured man was treated for his injuries at a nearby hospital.
article HERE.
Utrecht police say a 21-year-old Dutch man is recovering after a "mooning" that went horribly wrong. A police statement says the man and two others had run down a street in Utrecht with their pants pulled down in the back "for a joke."
It says that at one point the 21-year-old "pushed his behind against the window of a restaurant" that broke and resulted in "deep wounds to his derriere."
The statement says police detained the three men after the incident Sunday morning. But the cafe owner decided not to press charges after the men agreed to pay for the broken window. The injured man was treated for his injuries at a nearby hospital.
article HERE.
experience counts...
clever fella!
An older, white haired man walked into a jewelry store one Friday evening with a beautiful young gal at his side. He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend.
The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring. The old man said, ‘No, I’d like to see something more special.’
At that statement, the jeweler went to his special stock and brought another ring over. ‘Here’s a stunning ring at only $40,000′ the jeweler said.
The young lady’s eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement. The old man seeing this said, ‘We’ll take it.’
The jeweler asked how payment would be made and the old man stated,’by check. I know you need to make sure my check is good, so I’ll write it now and you can call the bank Monday to verify the funds and I’ll pick the ring up Monday afternoon,’ he said.
Monday morning, the jeweler phoned the old man. ‘There’s no money in that account.’
‘I know,’ said the old man, ‘But let me tell you about my weekend!
An older, white haired man walked into a jewelry store one Friday evening with a beautiful young gal at his side. He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend.
The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring. The old man said, ‘No, I’d like to see something more special.’
At that statement, the jeweler went to his special stock and brought another ring over. ‘Here’s a stunning ring at only $40,000′ the jeweler said.
The young lady’s eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement. The old man seeing this said, ‘We’ll take it.’
The jeweler asked how payment would be made and the old man stated,’by check. I know you need to make sure my check is good, so I’ll write it now and you can call the bank Monday to verify the funds and I’ll pick the ring up Monday afternoon,’ he said.
Monday morning, the jeweler phoned the old man. ‘There’s no money in that account.’
‘I know,’ said the old man, ‘But let me tell you about my weekend!
oh snap!
that piece of shit driver should be shot!
A car has smashed into a bike race along a highway near the US-Mexico border, killing one and injuring 10 others.
Police investigator Jose Alfredo Rodriguez says the 28-year-old driver was apparently drunk and fell asleep when he crashed into the race.
A photograph taken by a city official shows cyclists and equipment being hurled high in to the air by the collision.
Rodriguez says Juan Campos was charged with killing Alejandro Alvarez, 37, of Monterrey. Authorities say the wreck happened 15 minutes into the race along a highway between Playa Bagdad and Matamoros.
article HERE.
A car has smashed into a bike race along a highway near the US-Mexico border, killing one and injuring 10 others.Police investigator Jose Alfredo Rodriguez says the 28-year-old driver was apparently drunk and fell asleep when he crashed into the race.
A photograph taken by a city official shows cyclists and equipment being hurled high in to the air by the collision.
Rodriguez says Juan Campos was charged with killing Alejandro Alvarez, 37, of Monterrey. Authorities say the wreck happened 15 minutes into the race along a highway between Playa Bagdad and Matamoros.
article HERE.
Tuesday, June 03, 2008
there's gotta be a mistake somewhere...
someone's obviously been sneaking in the little blue pills into the nursing home!
like dat oso can??!?!??!
what the!!!
Japanese man finds woman living in his closet
A Japanese man puzzled by food mysteriously disappearing from his refrigerator got a shock when he found out a woman had been living in his home for months without permission, police said yesterday. The 57-year-old man living alone - or so he thought - in the western city of Fukuoka installed a security camera and called the police when he saw images of someone walking around his home while he was out.
"We searched the house in the man's presence. We found the woman in the closet," said a local police spokesman.
The woman, named as 58-year-old Tatsuko Horikawa, was found in a flat storage space only just big enough for a person to squeeze into lying down. She had sneaked a mattress and several plastic bottles into the cubby hole, police said, adding that the women had been arrested.
"She told police that she had nowhere to live," the spokesman said. "She seems to have lived there for about a year, but not all the time." It is unclear how she managed to enter the home undetected. Police suspect she might have been closet-hopping, moving from house to house.
article HERE.
Japanese man finds woman living in his closet
A Japanese man puzzled by food mysteriously disappearing from his refrigerator got a shock when he found out a woman had been living in his home for months without permission, police said yesterday. The 57-year-old man living alone - or so he thought - in the western city of Fukuoka installed a security camera and called the police when he saw images of someone walking around his home while he was out.
"We searched the house in the man's presence. We found the woman in the closet," said a local police spokesman.
The woman, named as 58-year-old Tatsuko Horikawa, was found in a flat storage space only just big enough for a person to squeeze into lying down. She had sneaked a mattress and several plastic bottles into the cubby hole, police said, adding that the women had been arrested.
"She told police that she had nowhere to live," the spokesman said. "She seems to have lived there for about a year, but not all the time." It is unclear how she managed to enter the home undetected. Police suspect she might have been closet-hopping, moving from house to house.
article HERE.
overheard in the elevator...
This guy’s in the rear of a full elevator and he shouts, “Ballroom please.”
A lady standing in front of him turns around and says, “I’m sorry, I didn’t realize I was crowding you.”
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