warped logic...

Two contractors (Phil and Eric) are seated either side of a table in a rough pub when a well-dressed man enters, orders a beer and sits on a stool at the bar. The two builders start to speculate about the occupation of the suit.

Phil: - I reckon he's an accountant.
Eric: - Nah. I reckon he's a stockbroker.
Phil: - No way. A stockbroker wouldn't come in here!

The argument repeats itself for some time until the volume of beer gets the better of Phil and he makes for the toilet. On entering the toilet he sees that the suit is standing at a urinal. Curiosity and the several beers get the better of the builder.

Phil: - 'Scuse me mate. No offence but me and me mate were wondering what you do for a living?
Suit: - No offence taken. I'm a Logical Scientist by profession.
Phil: - What's that then?
Suit: - I'll try to explain by example... Do you have goldfish at home?
Phil: - Er... Mmm . Well yeah, I do actually
Suit: - Well, it follows logically that you keep them in a bowl or in a pond. Which is it?
Phil: - They're in a pond!
Suit: - Well then it's reasonable to suppose that you have a large garden
Phil: - Too right - it's huge!
Suit: - Well then it's logical to assume that if you have a large garden then you have a large house?
Phil: - Bloody oath I've got a big house! Five bedrooms .....built it with me own hands!
Suit: - Well given that you've built a five-bedroom house it is logical to assume that you haven't built it just for yourself and that you are quite probably married?
Phil: - Mate, I'm married to the greatest sheila on earth and we've got three great kids.
Suit: - Well then it is logical to assume that you are sexually active with your wife on a regular basis?
Phil:- Yep! Four nights a week! At least!
Suit: - Well then it is logical to suggest that you do not masturbate very often?
Phil: - Me? You're kiddin me right? Never!
Suit: - Well there you are! That's logical science at work!
Phil: - How's that then?
Suit: - Well from finding out that you had goldfish, I've told you about your sex life!
Phil: - Awesome, mate!

Both leave the toilet and Phil returns to his mate.

Eric: - I see the suit was in there. Did you ask him what he does?
Phil: - Yep! He's a logical scientist!
Eric: - What's that then?
Phil: - Lemme explain. Do you have goldfish?
Eric: - Nope.
Phil: - Well then, you're a w*nker.