conversations...

Conversations with the penis at 3 stages of life

Early Adolescence

Penis: HEY MAN, WHAT’S GOING ON?
Brain: Nothing, just calm down. I’m wearing sweatpants and we’re right in the middle of class.
Penis: BRO, LOOK AT ALL THESE CHICKS. LET’S HAVE SEX WITH THEM. ALL OF THEM.
Brain: We’re definitely not gonna do that.
Penis: YO THAT VOLCANO DIORAMA LOOKS LIKE A BOOB. WE SHOULD HAVE SEX WITH IT.
Brain: Please go back to sleep.
Penis: F*CK NO. I’M AMPED.
Brain: But I’ve gotta do a presentation. Everyone’s going to see you…
Penis: DON’T CARE.
Brain: Please, I’m begging you.
Penis: I WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH EVERYTHING IN THIS ROOM.

Young Adulthood

Penis: Damn, your ex is looking pretty good tonight.
Brain: She’s crazy.
Penis: Crazy…IN THE SACK!
Brain: I’m not gonna hook up with her. Too much drama.
Penis: WE’LL SORT THAT SHIT OUT LATER.
Brain: No. I’ll sort it out later. You’ll just do whatever you want and leave me to deal with the consequences.
Penis: WHATEVER, MAN. STOP BEING GAY. WHAT ARE YOU GAY OR SOMETHING?
Brain: Can’t we just find someone else?
Penis: I HAVE MADE MY CHOICE. BEND TO MY WILL.

Old Age

Brain: Come on, old buddy. You can do this. It’s my 40th wedding anniversary.
Penis: …Ugh.
Brain: Get up! Just this one time. Please.
Penis: Go away. I’m sleepy.
Brain: All I’m asking is for a few minutes.
Penis: With that old hag? That’s an eternity.
Brain: That’s my wife you’re talking about!
Penis: She bores me.
Brain: What if I think about someone else?
Penis: That could work. YEAH! LET’S DO THIS.
Brain: Great. OK, here we go.
Penis: Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
Brain: SON OF A BITCH.