On Tesco’s - Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom) — ‘Do not turn upside down.’
On Sainsbury’s peanuts — ‘Warning: contains nuts’
On Boot’s Children Cough Medicine — ‘Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication.’ (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5 year-olds with head-colds off those bulldozers.)
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding — ‘Product will be hot after heating.’ (…and you thought????…)
On a Sears hairdryer — Do not use while sleeping. (That’s the only time I have to work on my hair.)
On a bag of Fritos — You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (the shoplifter special?)
On a bar of Dial soap — ‘Directions: Use like regular soap.’ (and that would be???….)
On some Swanson frozen dinners — ‘Serving suggestion: Defrost.’ (but, it’s just a suggestion.)
On packaging for a Rowenta iron — ‘Do not iron clothes on body.’ (but wouldn’t this save me time?)
On Nytol Sleep Aid — ‘Warning: May cause drowsiness.’ (..I’m taking this because???….)
On most brands of Christmas lights — ‘For indoor or outdoor use only.’ (as opposed to what?)
On a Japanese food processor — ‘Not to be used for the other use.’ (now, somebody out there, help me on this. I’m a bit curious.)
On an American Airlines packet of nuts — ‘Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts.’ (Step 3: say what?)
On a child’s Superman costume — ‘Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.’ (I don’t blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)
On a Swedish chainsaw — ‘Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals.’ (Oh my God..was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)
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