immutable laws of life

1. Law of Mechanical Repair: After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch or you'll have to pee.
2. Law of the Workshop: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner, even if it is square.
3. Law of Visual Probability: The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.
4. Law of the Telephone: If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal.
5. Law of the Alibi: If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.
6. Variation Law: If you change traffic lanes, the one you were in will start to move faster than the one you are in now.
7. Law of the Bath: When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.
8. Law of Close Encounters: The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.
9. Law of the Result: When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.
10. Law of Bio-mechanics: The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.
11. Law of the Theater: At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last.
12. Law of Coffee Temperature: As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.
13. Law of Lockers: If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.
14. Law of Rugs/Carpets: The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor covering are directly correlated to the cost of the carpet.
15. Law of Logical Argument: Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.
16. Brown's Law: If the shoe fits, it's ugly.
17. Oliver's Law: A closed mouth gathers no feet.
18. Wilson's Law: As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.
19. Law of Location: No matter where you go, there you are!